I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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