I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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