Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
