You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
