Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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