I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I have fence marks all over my body
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
