You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
