Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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