why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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