i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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