i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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