I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
