didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
