You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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