woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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