I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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