Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
