This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
