I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
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