i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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