She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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