Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
