i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
