dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
