I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
