My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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