If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It's never too late to be topless.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
