I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
