I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
