I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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