I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
