im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Oh god it's open bar.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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