yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
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