My friends, they love my intelligence
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
