That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
