I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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