my mouth tastes like poor choices
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
