god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
