I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
