She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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