Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
