hotel room ftw
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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