Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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