Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's rum buckets o'clock
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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