Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
