More tranny stories later!
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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