pedialite and red bull = repair kit
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
