Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
