I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Welp...herpes.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
