she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
